How my own experience, as a fan of readings, as a professional reader and teacher, has led me to a path of my own personal truth, which I share with you now. How fear of conflict and judgement, on top of our own experiences of emotional manipulation no longer need leave you vulnerable.
Poor Reader Etiquette & Possible Signs of an Emotionally Manipulative Scam Artist;
- connect via your page after looking at your tags
- DM you really soon after saying they feel some ‘a connection’
- maybe build up a relationship over a few messages before saying that they feel you need a reading
- Or even ruder, ask you straight out, or tell you, you need a reading (at least buy me a coffee before trying it on! I’m a classy lady, don’t ya know!)
A good reader doesn’t need this to get clients. Clients come from good readings, leading into new clients; you WILL get referred & spoken about. (sometimes clients may need a reminder to do so, but it is then up to them if they feel you are good enough to share)
I’m all for talking about your work & making the most of your platform. I want & in fact know the world needs good readers to be seen, and financially supported. We can change the world for the positive if we encourage inward reflection & Spiritual connection.
It’s also very bad etiquette & a poorly trained reader (if they have had any training!) to connect into your energy & read it without permission. I can’t tell you how bad this is!!
Psst . . . connect into me without permission; the good Empath (i.e. natural healer) that I am, mirrors back what the nosey person needs to learn about themselves. So go on, knock yourself out! 😉
A narcissistic, emotionally manipulative person also preys on watching your feed, linking into when you’re having problems, or making you think you ‘need’ a reading as you have a problem, or linking into some sort of insecurity which they hope you have.
IE a Confidence Scammer
If someone bites the hook quickly, they will know they have a ‘live one’ who is desperate for answers and in need of guidance.
This can result minimally in a poor, but expensive reading, or to a few years of being rinsed & insecurely needing to look outside of yourself constantly to move forward. Before you wake up (I have had clients come to me after 10 years of working with someone without seeing any forward results; this is complicated and relies on both the reader/healer being not really invested in the clients best interest, and also the client fearing moving forward on some level).
It’s the opposite of what you’ll get from a good reader who also has good morals; who has the clients best interest at heart!
Tips for choosing a reader;
- recommendations; ask friends or listen out for them they gush over their reader. If you are stuck look for genuine reviews!
- look at their page or site; are you drawn to them AND do they have the outlook on life which aligns with your path forward
- Path forward is important if you’re looking for change and growth.
- Drawn to them definition; not their sexy or pretty images or their expensive photo shoot. Drawn to THEM.
- Talk to them; ask them how long they have been training for, how long they have sat in circle for and what development they have done. Being a professional is as simple as someone going on a weekend diploma course so the insurance company can tick the boxes. Don’t expect a telephone call or meeting for a coffee (boundaries people!) expect maybe a couple of message back and forth, which don’t move into someone getting a free reading or advice.
- Oh yeah, check they have insurance! It means you have a bonafide, living in the real world (grounded) and responsible individual; this is what they will bring with them when they work with you. It shouldn’t feel like a burden for them, but the responsibility should be there.
I dealt with this person by being direct; but I have also blocked them. I have experience of people not taking direct feedback negatively and then attacking me; showing another side to their online persona. And this, for me, is sensible. Another day I maybe open to a heated discussion, but at the moment I’m not! (normal life stress, self employed stress, autistic kids stress & also malabsorption issues, which have led to chronic fatigue; the latter now thankfully being address. The former; always being managed!). So I may have cut off an open communication, but I also know I don’t owe this random person anything (from a purely human perspective!) and so I maintain my boundaries as I need to, in this moment. From a spiritual perspective I am thankful that they have given me something from which I have been able to be creative, transmuting their behaviour into something positive.
I am a big believer in this truth; if it is bugging you, do something positive about it!
Other thoughts to have come from this interaction: conflict management!
Conflict is great for either reflecting or mirroring. Here when I reflected on my reaction, I realised this got on my nerves as it’s a genuine issue within spiritual communities and THE reason we get a bad name as an industry. So this isn’t an Ego issue.
I reflect upon it and I’m the opposite to this; just as a reflection is. It pushes me further towards my truth.
Perfect way to deal with conflict!
I would also recommend the deck Kuan Yin by Alana Fairchild if you wish to work through themes of conflict – an amazing spread at the beginning which I use a lot and guidance through the cards themselves as well.
Judgement: did I judge? Was I wrong to? How does a life time of emotional manipulation effect us?
Let’s start with how we function as a human being; we are designed to judge. ‘Is that ravine too far to cross?’ ‘Does this person mean me harm?’ The last one is really important. Rather than using it as a reflex for survival, what we do is to step into plenty and self respect/Self Sovereignty by asking ‘does this person have my best interests at heart?’. That doesn’t mean that they don’t have anything to gain; the ultimate exchanges in life are where both people equally benefit. But by allowing ourselves to look at a situation with discernment, it has allowed me to step into self love in another way.
In this situation, when I looked at it logically, no, the evidence was clearly there that someone had googled some hashtags, connected and then used that as an excuse to be emotionally manipulative and coerce me into having a reading in some way. The emotional manipulation is clear with the ‘connection’ phrase, despite the fact that the only connection was my ability to hashtag my work. Is this nice? No, it isn’t. Is is genuine? No, it isn’t it! Does this person have my best interests at heart? Clearly not! And that’s okay. Coming to a conclusion that despite someone’s appearance to be all love and light, they are not, is okay. Does it mean that I hate her? No! Does it mean that I wish ill on her? Not at all. I didn’t even need to respond; but what she had done was to inbox a teacher. On my professional profile. So I responded in that manner. And then I have used it as a lesson for all! Do I believe that in that moment that Spirit worked through me, to bring her a response she needed for her pathway? Absolutely; that’s how life works. Spirit must work through humans (remember that every time you pray or ask for something! You are in fact asking of your fellow mankind!).
If you find this all a bit icky; it’s okay. So many of us have had upbringings of emotional manipulation and coercion, that we often fail to spot the small signs. We wait until it is really uncomfortable and really painful to do anything; and that makes it all the worse.
The sooner we realise we are good people, who think, reflect and mirror, and respond reasonably, the easier it is to deal with conflict and judgement. The sooner we do that, when we first feel the ick at a DM or a conversation, recognising that this doesn’t feel right, being direct where we can. As children we often are unsafe or feel unsafe to express how we feel, and so fall into a whole combination of fawning, fleeing, flopping techniques to cope with a situation we can’t control. Realising that as adults, generally, we are safe to voice our opinions, is a big thing. If we can’t get ourselves there, some healing work and practical steps to move into feeling like you are safe to express your opinion is vital to function well.
I hope you find this helpful; and if you need help to work through any of this I offer Healing Programmes as well as one sessions, as well as Practical Magic Coffee Club (a small fee per month which gives you a framework for personal work). More info on my site here: https://www.rachaelsreikihealingandbeyond.com/therapies
Love as always