Many of you may have realised that I tend to externalise quite a lot of my internal musings. And by that I don’t mean talking to others (although I am getting my head around that – we are all on different healing journey’s ey?). What I mean is that I often get external entities, Higher Beings or Angels if you will, coming in to help me work through things.
Some of you I know go up to your Higher Selves (is that even a turn of phrase, Higher Selves? lol), and from time to time the energy that I associate with mine steps in. But she is ever present with me. And maybe it’s the Catholic upbringing overhang, but I feel talking to someone and getting them to question me, is very helpful.
Soooo, I had Loki come in yesterday. My initial response, after checking out his trickster energy, was to tell him to leave me to enjoy making the feather aura combs I was creating in the sunshine and bugger off. He had the Coyote feeling (for those familiar with Native American ways of looking at things)- there to test you. Trying to get past the Marvel Comic image my mind was trying to swing to. Lovely long, blonde hair, a Legolas type look, but with an arrogant smile. A bit of Bacchus feeling to him (God of wine and all that hedonistic stuff).
‘Come back another time if it’s in my Highest Good’.
So he shows up this morning. As I’m trying to get ready to run out the door for an appointment. While knowing tummy troubles were brewing. So I quickly googled the true mythology behind him. Trickster certainly, but with an air of not caring about the consequences of his actions. Not someone who has real ill will or bad intent, but just careers through life as they will. Also the odd falling out with a great buddy of mine, Thor. Ok mate, what do you want?
‘What do you think I want?‘
Well clearly to push me, if you’re energy is what I feel it is.
‘How do you want me to push you?‘ Slightly flirtatious and with a grin, so he can get away with charming me into listening.
You like playing games, don’t you? lol
‘Yes, and so do you‘
Yes, I suppose part of me does. Then he dumped in my head every game I’ve ever played. Extreme flirtation, winning arguments in what ever way I can, calling people out on their sh*t, even if I’m not sure why I’ve just done it, even if it is of no obvious benefit to me. ‘It’s fun isn’t it?’
Ok, so with great power, comes great responsibility (so much wisdom in comic books ey?). And the great power that a woman has to get her own way, has to be used wisely and not for triteness used to bolster ego, and the same can be said for my ability to bamboozle people with words (if I choose to) or really see the core of someone’s current issue, the seed, the root. And apart from the odd slip up, I’ve never abused my power, not in real terms. And occasionally if people, generally not connected to me, need to be told that their behaviour is unacceptable, then I’d like to think they went home and were nicer to the people around them. So, yes, I take your thought, and I pass it back. The only fun stuff is actually the flirtatious side of myself, that I have pretty much forgotten. As it’s too powerful and people read it the wrong way, if I smile too nicely. Fine when I was single and fancy free . . .
‘Not with your husband‘ he grins.
Ok, fair enough! Maybe I need to remember that my ability to flirt and seduce, is something I need to step back into. A part of my femininity I need to rejoice in and own again. A great power used within the confines of a safe environment. Ok, I get that. And stop looking at me in that way!
‘In what way? I don’t know what you’re talking about?!’
Ok, bugger off your old tart. Thank you for playing devil’s advocate, and for in some way helping out your old nemesis Thor, while at the same time annoying him by flirting with me, but I’m sure you really don’t look as hot as you are seem to be, and I think your work is done here.
Ok what now?
And again he dumps in my head every poopy scenario I’ve been through in the last 6 months, that I’ve allowed to drag my energy down. ‘What if there is no bigger meaning? What if it is just me, throwing everything up in the air and seeing where it lands? What if it is all coincidence?’
What if it is? If I choose to take a lesson or experience from this, does that matter either? And what if I do view it all just meaningless? Would I react any differently to what is happening? Would I be over thinking things less? And in doing so, putting less energy into the situation? Do I infact, trust myself enough to always react for the Greater Good, for my Highest Good, no matter what happens? Should I just be going with it, not questioning, just accepting and trusting myself enough that I’m moral enough, bright enough, questioning enough, to react as I need to when I need?
‘Therein lies the lesson’
Ok, you old sod. I’ve got it loud and clear. I’m good enough. I am capable. I can do this with my eyes closed. So just get on with it and focus my energy, and my thoughts instinctively. Allowing me to guide myself to the next signpost, enjoying the walk inbetween.
Right, you can bugger off again. With thanks and love.
‘Toodle pip and all that‘ he genuinely smiles and walks off nonchalantly, whistling.
So, what do I conclude from this. That I can do all of this easily and I need to stop over analysing everything and just work my way through it. I’ll get there. I’ve got the knowledge. And maybe, for some stuff that affects me, they is no learning curve for me. I’m just caught in the fall out; it’s for others to deal with and I’ve just got to sit at the sidelines and support.
But, how many of us know these tricksters? How many of us know people who play this roll for us, and they don’t play that role for others? We’ve chosen them to be in our life to do just that. To press our buttons, to tempt us (old fashioned catholic term, but I’m sure you understand what I mean in this context) to see how we’ll react, to clash with us, to spar against even if it is just with words, to flirt with outrageously.
I know some who spend their whole lives doing it. No forethought, no rhyme or reason, no direction. Not even reacting, just acting, as they have no care for the impact of their actions. Just playing. Very childlike. And often dramatic. Often highly lovable in spite of yourself wanting to be annoyed.
And maybe on one hand that is really love. Acting as divine agents of Chaos, just living instinctively. Sometimes that is teaching us a higher lesson, and sometimes it’s just Sod’s Law that you’re caught in the cross fire.
Giving us what we need, but not needing to understand that our reaction to that is not something they need to worry about at that time, as life is not easy. We have not come here to live an easy life. We could have easily done that as Spirits. Feeling each others emotions so we cannot act selfishly goes hand and hand with being a pure energy being – we cannot experience the need to be selfish unless we are here. Or coming here feeling other people’s emotions, so even when we need to give them tough love, give them a home truth or walk away, in order to help them, that we will struggle to do that. But that is in fact what they need. That is the best way to love them, the best way to serve their Highest Good.
That tough, old fashioned love, which is just as real as the fluffy stuff, just as needed. How can we serve that in others lives, or how have we served that roll in others lives? Who has served that in your life, and yet not in others lives? Who goes around serving that role to everyone? And then thank them for fulfilling that tough role, for giving that tough, old fashioned love. And thank yourself for being on the receiving end. And feel the balance and feel the joy. Knowing now why they came into your life to do nothing but cause a mess and create chaos, and allow that to bring you peace. Not an end to that saga always, but find a little peace in that.
Like I say I find it easier to serve in strangers; those I know well I can totally feel how they are going to feel before I get there. And maybe this is also a current lesson for me. But also a lesson I have done before with others in fact.
And Loki did indeed walk away, doing for me what Thor was maybe unable to do. That in that moment I didn’t need the Hero; I needed the Rogue. I needed to flirt with danger to get some perspective. To see the Rogue for what he is, to bring me back to my Hero. Knowing we are all our own Heroes.
And understanding that Loki really loved me; even if it was only for that second. Really loving me and then walking away. And for that I thank the trickster, the prankster, from the bottom of my heart.