The Age Old Battle of the Trickster Versus the Hero. The Rogue or the Gentleman?

Many of you may have realised that I tend to externalise quite a lot of my internal musings. And by that I don’t mean talking to others (although I am getting my head around that – we are all on different healing journey’s ey?). What I mean is that I often get external entities, Higher Beings or Angels if you will, coming in to help me work through things.

Some of you I know go up to your Higher Selves (is that even a turn of phrase, Higher Selves? lol), and from time to time the energy that I associate with mine steps in. But she is ever present with me. And maybe it’s the Catholic upbringing overhang, but I feel talking to someone and getting them to question me, is very helpful.

Soooo, I had Loki come in yesterday. My initial response, after checking out his trickster energy, was to tell him to leave me to enjoy making the feather aura combs I was creating in the sunshine and bugger off. He had the Coyote feeling (for those familiar with Native American ways of looking at things)- there to test you. Trying to get past the Marvel Comic image my mind was trying to swing to. Lovely long, blonde hair, a Legolas type look, but with an arrogant smile. A bit of Bacchus feeling to him (God of wine and all that hedonistic stuff).

‘Come back another time if it’s in my Highest Good’.

So he shows up this morning. As I’m trying to get ready to run out the door for an appointment. While knowing tummy troubles were brewing. So I quickly googled the true mythology behind him. Trickster certainly, but with an air of not caring about the consequences of his actions. Not someone who has real ill will or bad intent, but just careers through life as they will. Also the odd falling out with a great buddy of mine, Thor. Ok mate, what do you want?

Loki the Rogue

What do you think I want?

Well clearly to push me, if you’re energy is what I feel it is.

How do you want me to push you?‘ Slightly flirtatious and with a grin, so he can get away with charming me into listening.

You like playing games, don’t you? lol

‘Yes, and so do you

Yes, I suppose part of me does. Then he dumped in my head every game I’ve ever played. Extreme flirtation, winning arguments in what ever way I can, calling people out on their sh*t, even if I’m not sure why I’ve just done it, even if it is of no obvious benefit to me. ‘It’s fun isn’t it?’

Ok, so with great power, comes great responsibility (so much wisdom in comic books ey?). And the great power that a woman has to get her own way, has to be used wisely and not for triteness used to bolster ego, and the same can be said for my ability to bamboozle people with words (if I choose to) or really see the core of someone’s current issue, the seed, the root. And apart from the odd slip up, I’ve never abused my power, not in real terms. And occasionally if people, generally not connected to me, need to be told that their behaviour is unacceptable, then I’d like to think they went home and were nicer to the people around them. So, yes, I take your thought, and I pass it back. The only fun stuff is actually the flirtatious side of myself, that I have pretty much forgotten. As it’s too powerful and people read it the wrong way, if I smile too nicely. Fine when I was single and fancy free . . .

Not with your husband‘ he grins.

Thor – the Hero

Ok, fair enough! Maybe I need to remember that my ability to flirt and seduce, is something I need to step back into. A part of my femininity I need to rejoice in and own again. A great power used within the confines of a safe environment. Ok, I get that. And stop looking at me in that way!

In what way? I don’t know what you’re talking about?!’

Ok, bugger off your old tart. Thank you for playing devil’s advocate, and for in some way helping out your old nemesis Thor, while at the same time annoying him by flirting with me, but I’m sure you really don’t look as hot as you are seem to be, and I think your work is done here.

Is it?’

Ok what now?

And again he dumps in my head every poopy scenario I’ve been through in the last 6 months, that I’ve allowed to drag my energy down. ‘What if there is no bigger meaning? What if it is just me, throwing everything up in the air and seeing where it lands? What if it is all coincidence?’

What if it is? If I choose to take a lesson or experience from this, does that matter either? And what if I do view it all just meaningless? Would I react any differently to what is happening? Would I be over thinking things less? And in doing so, putting less energy into the situation? Do I infact, trust myself enough to always react for the Greater Good, for my Highest Good, no matter what happens? Should I just be going with it, not questioning, just accepting and trusting myself enough that I’m moral enough, bright enough, questioning enough, to react as I need to when I need?

‘Therein lies the lesson’

Ok, you old sod. I’ve got it loud and clear. I’m good enough. I am capable. I can do this with my eyes closed. So just get on with it and focus my energy, and my thoughts instinctively. Allowing me to guide myself to the next signpost, enjoying the walk inbetween.

Right, you can bugger off again. With thanks and love.

‘Toodle pip and all that‘ he genuinely smiles and walks off nonchalantly, whistling.

So, what do I conclude from this. That I can do all of this easily and I need to stop over analysing everything and just work my way through it. I’ll get there. I’ve got the knowledge. And maybe, for some stuff that affects me, they is no learning curve for me. I’m just caught in the fall out; it’s for others to deal with and I’ve just got to sit at the sidelines and support.

But, how many of us know these tricksters? How many of us know people who play this roll for us, and they don’t play that role for others? We’ve chosen them to be in our life to do just that. To press our buttons, to tempt us (old fashioned catholic term, but I’m sure you understand what I mean in this context) to see how we’ll react, to clash with us, to spar against even if it is just with words, to flirt with outrageously.

I know some who spend their whole lives doing it. No forethought, no rhyme or reason, no direction. Not even reacting, just acting, as they have no care for the impact of their actions. Just playing. Very childlike. And often dramatic. Often highly lovable in spite of yourself wanting to be annoyed.

And maybe on one hand that is really love. Acting as divine agents of Chaos, just living instinctively. Sometimes that is teaching us a higher lesson, and sometimes it’s just Sod’s Law that you’re caught in the cross fire.

Giving us what we need, but not needing to understand that our reaction to that is not something they need to worry about at that time, as life is not easy. We have not come here to live an easy life. We could have easily done that as Spirits. Feeling each others emotions so we cannot act selfishly goes hand and hand with being a pure energy being – we cannot experience the need to be selfish unless we are here. Or coming here feeling other people’s emotions, so even when we need to give them tough love, give them a home truth or walk away, in order to help them, that we will struggle to do that. But that is in fact what they need. That is the best way to love them, the best way to serve their Highest Good.

That tough, old fashioned love, which is just as real as the fluffy stuff, just as needed. How can we serve that in others lives, or how have we served that roll in others lives? Who has served that in your life, and yet not in others lives? Who goes around serving that role to everyone? And then thank them for fulfilling that tough role, for giving that tough, old fashioned love. And thank yourself for being on the receiving end. And feel the balance and feel the joy. Knowing now why they came into your life to do nothing but cause a mess and create chaos, and allow that to bring you peace. Not an end to that saga always, but find a little peace in that.

Like I say I find it easier to serve in strangers; those I know well I can totally feel how they are going to feel before I get there. And maybe this is also a current lesson for me. But also a lesson I have done before with others in fact.

And Loki did indeed walk away, doing for me what Thor was maybe unable to do. That in that moment I didn’t need the Hero; I needed the Rogue. I needed to flirt with danger to get some perspective. To see the Rogue for what he is, to bring me back to my Hero. Knowing we are all our own Heroes.

And understanding that Loki really loved me; even if it was only for that second. Really loving me and then walking away. And for that I thank the trickster, the prankster, from the bottom of my heart.

Loki - Old image
Great energy of The Fool from the Tarot.


How do you hear God? Why you should improve your connection to the Universe and how we can all ‘hear’. Plus 11 steps to do so, easily. 

OK, so many of us pray. Many of us won’t use the word God anymore; maybe Source, maybe the Universe, your Higher Self. Some of us won’t use the word pray; meditation, energy work or even spell work. 

For me it’s all variations on a theme. They all about directing energy in a certain way. 

Problem with the word pray is that is takes away some of our power; it gives control of our destiny to a greater power. 

A Greater Power, a true God, will never take away your power. Will never tell you exactly what to do. Never try to control you. Never make you feel guilty or feel fear. Only darkness feeds on that type of energy. Love is what the Universe and God thrives on. It is a pure and simple connection which is calling out to you from your very soul. 

God is here to guide, to help you to make your decisions that is best for your Higher Good. The guidance given to a priest, a preacher, your family or your partner is for them. It is not necessarily relevant to you. 

This Source, is all knowing, which is a great filter. We’ve all asked for a relationship to work out, or to get ‘that’ job. But we’re only screwing ourselves over when that isn’t the right thing for us. We ask, we plead for help, guidance, protection. Sometimes we ask for things; I’m sure we’re all past asking for the best BMX; but we all for love, for health, a happy home, enough money for food on the table. So using ‘God’ or Higher Angelic Beings as a filter when you’re doing energy work or spell work can be a good thing. 

But we often forget or don’t realise we can hear back. A couple of thousand years of reinforcing the fact we need a third party to chat to the Big Fella himself, has left that part of us in the main dormant. I’m not going to start banging on about the failures of the Catholic Church and then the majority of Christian churches have taken forward. I don’t care how you get to ‘God’, as long as it’s done through the path of love, (we all know other organised religion and love don’t always go hand in hand). 

In fact, what many of us don’t know is that hearing that Higher Voice is far easier that communicating with every day Spirits, (in fact Guides, Guardian Angels, Archangels and higher get easier and easier to communicate with due to their increasing strength to the ladder) and that daily taking a few moments out to listen, not ask or talk, is all you need. Think about how powerful that Source is; about how powerful the whole Universe is. How could it not have the strength and ability to communicate easily? How foolish of us to think it isn’t capable of it. We just need to take time to listen. 

I’m just as guilty as everyone else of not doing. But when I do, there is honestly nothing else like it. 

I was having a conversation with my aunt, who is a Mormon, about praying a few days ago. I was explaining that my prayerful experiences are very different to what I used to do as a child, different to hers currently. I sit with God. I try to feel God. It doesn’t mean I have any better a connection, I just have a different experience. I explained I feel like I have a special, individual connection. Which we all do. That’s the beauty of it. 

And what brought me to make this point today was a conversation I had myself. For me, when I connect into the Universe or God, it’s very different to connecting into my Higher Self. I know for some it isn’t. For me, one is external guidance. Guidance from everything. The other, is internal guidance. 

I asked, ‘what’s the best way to guide my son?’. The first thing I felt was an overwhelming feeling love and joy. It made me cry. ‘hi! Sorry. Haven’t spoken to you for a while’. Still the feeling of joy and love. The love of the whole Universe around me, moving through me. Bliss. No words in response, I just found myself with my hand on my heart. ‘that is all you need Child’. I could feel my heart pounding on my chest. So much wisdom with the simplest communication. 

I just need to love him. My love for him beats within my breast, thundering through my whole body. My love for him drives me, in the same way I couldn’t function without my heart. This is the only direction I need to be a good parent. 

I need to not worry about the detail and just be. In being, so will he be. So much is not within my control. So why worry. Just enjoy loving him. 

I’m sure there is more that you or I could take from the symbolism this. 

I would love to hear about your own experiences, but also about how you connect in. 

If you’d like some guidance to elevate your own prayer time, here’s my tips. Don’t forget this may take some practice. 

  1. Find some quiet time and space. The car, the park, the loo even (the world is a very crazy place, at home and at work!) 
  2. Set your intent; is it just to connect in and relax? Do you need guidance in a certain area?
  3. Either play some music you find beautiful and relaxing or choose a phrase or mantra to repeat in your head get your mind to relax. Om is the obvious one, but you may choose the word relax, clear, calm, God, Spirit etc etc. 
  4. Close your eyes or stare at a fixed inanimate point. Take confidence in the fact that if you only have 5 minutes, this will take 5 minutes. Set a timer on your phone if you want to be able to relax your mind, but you’ll be surprised after a few times of saying ’10 mins please!’ that you’ll be done in that time. 
  5. Become aware of the speed of your breath and whether or not your you are breathing from your belly or not. 
  6. Feel the connection into your planet through your feet or Base of spine, and a connection through the Crown of your head into the heavens. You may feel heaviness in your lower half and lightness in your head. Feel or sense or imagine what your energy field looks like around you. Watch as it forms a protective shield around you in which ever shape, texture and colour you need (just accept the first thing you get as being right and good). 
  7. Just sit. Repeating your mantra where you need to, or filling your mind with the music. Any thoughts which aren’t relevant about the shopping or paperwork, thank the Universe or God for allowing you to remember; and feel/understand that it now passes on, to unburden you of that task for now. 
  8. Note the energy you feel, the emotions you feel. Understand anything you feel here will not be of your mind, but from God/Universe. You may randomly think of a memory, a loved one, see images, hear whole strings of words and phrases (this will be in your inner monologue voice. You know, the one you use when you play TV chef in the kitchen?!). Don’t analyse it now as you’ll remember later to do so. Just sit. Sit as long as you can. 
  9. Come back when you’re ready or when you need to. Make a paper note if you need to of anything. You may know instantly know what guidance you’ve been given; you may need to think. But it will click at some point that day as to what the symbolism is or how that may help you now. You may have just had a beautiful, blissful experience. Which from a healing point of view, was exactly what you needed. 
  10. Feel your connection up dim down, and your earth connection get firmer. Touch some grass or a tree if possible. Know that the protection you put in place earlier now will act to filter out negativity in your general life. 
  11. Do this daily! 

Those of you that meditate will know this anyway, those that want to improve their guidance from Above, I hope will find a new angle to touch the Heavens with and listen to what God is so desperately trying to tell you. 

I’d love to hear from you about this. 

Love as always 


Truth, it’s Power and our Responsibility

OK, so this has come up three times over the last few days, so I need to address it outwardly. 

What is true for you, is not true for me, or the lady on the corner, or the family down the street. 


Each of our own realities, our own truths, are totally formed from our own perspective. Some of that we may have been born with (genetic or previous life or both depending on your belief system) and much of it is formed with experience; experiences starting in the womb 

We all live in our own little worlds. I think that makes sense whether you’ve gone through a brain mapping unit studying hypnotherapy or just studied people. 

So when giving out your truth, your opinion, it comes with a great responsibility. 

How well will the person listening receive the information I’ve got to give here? Is it the right time for them to hear this? 

Is it even relevant. Are you saying it simply to express your Ego? Simply to relieve yourself of your own feelings? 

Honesty is not always said to help. It can be used as a tool to hurt. Most of us know our faults; (not that I believe anyone’s personality is truly flawed), so having this thrown into someone’s face, to achieve no other purpose than to relieve yourself is a selfish act. 

If this person is just like that, actually the question you should maybe be asking is what does this show in me? Why does this feature of their personality offend me so much? Especially when you look at the greater scheme of things and realise it really doesn’t matter. 

It comes from the same place where we sometimes feel the need to totally honest and open about our feelings, but coming at it from a place where you believe it is said with love. Telling someone you have emotional feelings for them, when they are married or in a loving relationship; you’ve just made that relationship awkward for a friend that’s made a loving commitment to someone else, and unless you’ve decided to distance yourself from that person to save your own heart, started the end of that friendship. That person’s first and foremost commitment is to the feelings of someone else, not you. Plus feelings of I should have known; guilt over accidentally leading them on. 

And the story I heard of a sister in law, struggling to have children, who’s Pastor told her to absolve herself of her sin of jealousy she must tell her sister in law how she felt about her having her third child. Having no fore thought for the impact it would have on a woman coping with a newborn. Yes, unburdened herself of her jealousy, but totally selfishly visited those instead upon someone else for them to deal with. 

These are our own emotions to deal with; not to visit upon someone else. You are helping simply yourself in terms of you, again, not dealing with an area of your life, which is no doubt shouting at you. This is not said for the Greater Good. This is in fact, a passive aggressive act. Just because you consider yourself a Spiritual person, does not mean your actions are always truly Spiritual. 

Is this something that you genuinely think is a truth that needs to be shared for the good of the other person? Maybe it does need to be shared; remember the Angels and guides will use us to help others. 

You’ll find that delivering something from a space of love, paying attention to the fact that you maybe touching on a very sensitive subject, will have a far greater impact than with anger or with an air of arrogant ‘i know better’. If you truly feel that someone needs to know something, needs their mind opening, then using it as a knife with which to cut and get your own kick from, is not going to have the effect you are claiming you are trying to achieve. 

And coming at it from an angle of love, may also have the effect of helping your higher good. Opening a dialogue instead of an argument, which may in fact open your understanding and expand your reality, your truth. You may have been the one that needed to hear another’s truth, the reality of someone else’s life. 

Building bridges of understanding and drawing us together is key. 

Of course, there are the harsh truths which people need to be called out on; these are often the hardest to deal with. We all do things at times which are less than good, and in those times we literally need a mirror to reflect back at us the actual raw truth of the impact our of actions. 

The ‘grandmothers’ always seem to have this off pat; a lifetime of learning gives wisdom and perspective, time lessons the temper and the ego, parenthood allows them to love many without barriers and limits. Embodying the Wise Sage and the Crone. 

Their soul holds gravity; knowing, loving and accepting themselves, including the flaws, as well as they do others flaws. We automatically respect and heed their words in a different way. 

Of course; this goes with a caveat in bold. This does NOT give you a higher reason to be a door mat, a walk over or be self sacrificial. Remember in serving the higher good of all, that includes yourself. 

Whether you choose your filter to be the Sage or the Crone within you, filter by your Higher Self/ the Greater Good, or by the Grace of God is up to you. But holding that filter in your heart and occasionally reinforcing it, is important. 

OK, there are those among us who have no filter. I know many people like that. And I know see these people for their soul. I’m not talking about the argumentative types, always looking to throw their emotion out. I’m talking about the ones that see injustice and can’t keep their mouth shut; who react before they think. These are the ones who do live with so much love in their heart, that the messages don’t ever get filtered. 

Funnily enough these souls are the ones who work in the care industries, who are truly spiritual people, parents who take on the responsibility of others children, who volunteer at every corner. These are the ones who beat themselves up everytime they say something that hits someone’s core. And yes it gets them into trouble at work and with authority generally. God bless them as truly they do deliver messages from Spirit. If one of these people say something that gets to the quick of you, maybe you should listen no matter what your Ego feels about it . . .

I’ll quote comic wisdom till it comes out my ears; with great power, comes great responsibility. 

The power of truth, is something we all hold, we all possess and many fling out with no forethought. 
And we have a responsibility to listen, to truly hear, as well as to give out. 

Again these comes down to balance, about truly living with love in your heart. 

If you don’t speak enough of your truth you’ll stunt your own growth as well as the truth of others. 

If you speak it without thinking about the implications, if you speak from your Ego, you’re throwing daggers with your words that will do nothing but injure. (note I don’t say frustration or anger, you’re allowed to be upset or frustrated with others, all aspects of anger, Ego is that place of total self bolster, both aggressive and passive aggressive). 

So saying what is needed, from a place of love, is the key to give you the balance you need in order to use your power wisely. 

So what does this mean for me personally?

I’ve gone through vast periods of my life where I’ve said no truths. Holding myself back only led to me feeling frustrated and stifled in life. Tonsils clearly out in my mid twenties for a reason. I felt great guilt for saying what I really felt. I learned that starting with the words ‘I’m not happy about that because . . .’ I was able to say what I needed with crying or completely having to loose my temper. 

Additionally I’ve give through periods of telling every poor bugger the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth (my mid teens; questioning the purity of the teachings of authority and God forbid if you were a mean girl poking me with a stick at school!). 
I’d like to think that I’ve kind of got the balance right; reflecting back with love were I need to and hitting the nail on the head with carefully chosen (OK channelled!) words when needed, drawing on the Grandmother within me. 

In giving readings to people it’s key, and people aren’t always in the right place to hear what they need to. Which still saddens me greatly; I’m sure an area I’ll get my head round in time!

Of course I’m very aware that I am opinionated, and that I do feel a strong need to express that opinion where I can. I truly hope that by doing it in a forum such as this, the right people will read it at the right time. Also in writing it, I hope it gives others the opportunity to read a couple of times, and digest, to get to the core of it for them. 

Funnily enough, finishing this off while the youngest has chosen Brave, watching the scene after the Queen and the Princess argue, having reasonable conversations with others (King Billy Connolly and a beautiful Shire horse), each reaching into the mind of the other and gaining understanding of the others perspective, the others reality, the others truth. 

Love as always 


PS a friend gave me this, so I’ve added it for easy reference 🙂 I think it’s great. 

Our Relationship with Make Up – are we able to truly embrace the Lillith within us? Part of my story to truly accept all of myself, both inside and out. Including an exercise we can all use.

I have been going through a very personal, very feminine healing journey over nearly the last year or so. I’m not going to reveal the full details to you all, but this information is being revealed within me, so that I can help facilitate this in others too. It will form the basis of workshops and a new healing modality I am developing.

So some of you may hear more in those vulnerable moments, where we discuss things face to face in a workshop.

I have not struggled to embrace the Maid/Modernity, the Mother/Creation or the Crone/Wisdom, we all must embrace. But recently I have been struggling with my self image.

celtic triple spiral

I have clients and others that have pushed themselves too close; crossed boundaries which I haven’t asked them to do. Boundaries that I shy away from.

And this has been the story of my life.

I am friendly, I like to embrace and chat to people. Because of the way I look, people can read into that more than there is.

Then I feel guilty. I must have made them fancy me. How many women have been made to feel guilty about having other’s feelings pushed upon them? It is all violation and I have had many men make me feel like I’m dirty or just a piece of meat, and it’s my fault for looking the way that I do.

From the guy in the club that get’s aggressive because as nicely as you can you refuse his drink, to the old guy at work who can’t keep the sexual comments about a 16 year old, child like me, to himself, to being clearly denied work roles or promotions because your female, but still being placed in certain roles simply for your looks, to the guys taking it too far sexually because of what they want rather than the signs that we’ve given . . .


So I’ve always steered away from and purposefully not used my ‘power’, my feminine guile to get me anywhere in life. Proving my ability, and my intelligence and my strength in terms of the masculine side of my personality. But that doesn’t mean a girl wants to look after the way she looks.

But this has got me nowhere. Men still misread the signs and make our friendships uncomfortable or undoable for me but continually, and dis-respectfully, pushing it. Dirty old men still make the most lewd and disgusting comments. Odd balls are still attracted to me, and end up with almost stalker behaviour. Men telling me that I’m charming and alluring and I know it.

And the guilt and self-loathing I feel as a result of their view of me, of the shame of my own sexuality and my own beauty.

female shame

I’ve tried to change myself. I actually have.  I am friendly. I am chatty. I am interested in people. I luuurrrve to talk. But the way I am with women, is the same that I am with men. But why should I be a b***ch just to keep people at arms length? Why should I be someone I wouldn’t like? Why should I restrain what is actually a really wonderful side of myself?

Women accept it as friendship. But with some men they can’t. I provide a professional service. I am a healer. And it’s one thing being asked out in a gentemanly way, but those who try and try again, who come back at me in so many angles, I find it damaging.

I open my energies entirely when I work with people, whether it is readings, healing or development. So when I work with people over time, a bond is inevitably formed. When that bond is then tried to be forced into a direction and purpose for which it never was intended, actually causes me an energetic injury. Especially when my kindly, soft approach doesn’t work, on several occasions and I have to draw on a strong part of myself to ensure understanding and this normally means a bond needs to be broken.

This happening from time to time is something I can handle and work through. But this happened with several people in a very short space of time. Forcing me to react. I am not a believer in coincidence and knew this was a lesson for me somehow.

I retreated within myself; I can’t change who I am as a person, so maybe I shouldn’t be doing this work. Maybe I should just concentrate on the kids and the house. Ok, I love my kids but I’m a poor housewife! Can I have a caveat which reads I’ll only take on clients who are female, or gay or happily married men? Tongue in cheek yes, but my husband laughed at least.  Followed by you must be yourself, doing the type of work you do you are going to get the odd, damaged soul, who doesn’t get it. If they don’t get that you’re married and that they are hear to see you in a professional capacity then you maybe should be a little stronger and blunter to with your response initially.

Ok, I can do that. But still I felt injured and like I still hadn’t got through this, as a learning experience. I still felt angry; angry at my kindness being twisted into something it was not, angry at my friendliness being abused, angry at the violation. I knew I had more healing to do over this situation; I couldn’t go around being angry with men all the time, could I?

But what I really feared was the only way forward I saw. My self image. I had to reject my self image, I felt, in order to reject all who saw me as a sexual object, as a prize to be owned.

So I removed my own image from as much as I could. Sekhmet, the Lioness Goddess, in her power protecting that space. Giving me a face when I felt I could have none. Protecting me. And I thank her for taking me through this.

sekhmet mine

Female friends, quite rightly said, why should I be less then I was just so that men didn’t get the right idea. Why should I be any less a version of myself.

But I don’t see that beauty is one of my natural attributes. It’s a facet if myself that I paint on, that I create. I had very, very bad acne and very pale skin and eyelashes. So at a young age I learned to cover up and change my appearance so I didn’t have cruel comments; so that others would value me. My beauty was not won easily, but I know it had to be this way so I didn’t have a big Ego, so I wasn’t one of the ‘Mean Girls’.

Underneath this I feared the somewhat androgynous shy little girl. I feared her being my face; feared showing my vulnerability. But you know what, maybe this is what the world needed to see instead. The real me. F**k all men and f**k everyone. I’ve always said I would be myself and noone else. This would be the epitome of it. If they didn’t like it, didn’t like me, you know what? Shove it! The real me, the ugly me, they could have that. That would keep everyone at arms length.

So I spoke to a couple of ‘sisters’. I decided to sit down in front of the mirror and remove all my make up and really look at myself. Something I hadn’t done for 24 years. And I would encourage everyone to do the same thing, whether you have layers of make-up to remove, or just those additions to your own image which you use to define yourself.

I stripped off everything, right down to my post baby body and removed my wedding rings. I called in Reiki healing and watched myself take my make up off. Removed every strip of mascara, all foundation and cover up. Scrapped my red hair into bun off my face.

When I looked at myself, I didn’t see the scared 14 year old that I had last seen. I wasn’t retrieving a part of myself I had ‘lost’ and felt that I should see in the mirror staring back at me. I instead saw a woman. Who was strong and beautiful, with knowledge and knowing. Powerful and mighty, but soft and comforting. I fell in love with myself.

So I went back to heal the little girl who still hated herself, who hated her acne ridden skin and feared the cruel comments of many, including her ‘friends’. Who felt no boy would look twice at her or her red stretch marked, post pubescent breasts and hips (I literally ‘blossomed’ over a few months!).

As I held her and allowed her to cry, staring in the mirror, telling her she was beautiful, knowing she heard my words but would not accept them. After a few minutes I realised that I was in fact ethereally embodying a Native American aspect of myself. I could hear the songs of my tribe and feel the wind blow through my long dark hair and could see my brown eyes and eyelashes. ‘It’s alright for you’ I said to myself, tongue in cheek ‘You never had to worry about being as pale as chalk, or having bad skin or not being labelled the most beautiful woman in community’. I wondered what I was supposed to do; do I leave this aspect of myself with my 14 year old me? Do I merge my native american me, with the 14 year old me? Then I watched myself pick up a mascara and paint my eyelashes black. It hit me; when I was guided to pick up mascara and put it on at 14 years old, I was infact connecting into a part of myself, a part of my higher self, that I needed at that time. I was growing and this was an aspect of myself I needed to nurture and become. I was not stifling the true me, a part of me was not lost. I was infact reuniting parts of myself, drawing on strength and depths at 14 I had no idea I had. Having a deeply healing experience I would not have thought in my wildest dreams I would be facilitating at 38 years old (nearly! lol).

native american woman painting

This initiation in make-up was a major part in me becoming the woman I was meant to be. And is was an initiation of adult hood. (the fact that I had to initiate myself is an oddity only I could have lol!).

Then I remembered some wonderful image I had shared onto my Facebook business page; beautiful tinted images of Native Americans. With all their ‘war paint’ and their jewellery. Men and Women had been applying facepaint for thousands of years. The Egyptians, the Mayans, the tattoos of the Mauri’s. Applying face paint is a sacred rite, and you do it to connect into something else; a higher being, a part of your higher self.

And so when I put on my mascara, I was channelling the wild, confident and beautiful Chief’s daughter. A bit of myself I needed to navigate myself into adulthood. But I had not embraced her for giving me that, now I was rejecting her. I was currently rejecting a part of myself that I needed to embrace.

So, I looked at myself in the mirror and slicked on a bit of mascara and a swipe of pink lipstick. There I am. This is me. And then I cried; as I could look at myself and for the first time in my life I could say that I truly loved myself, on the outside as well as the inside.

And when I looked at myself crying, I realised I was even more beautiful. And I know that I can say that to you guys without you thinking I’m a total Egofile! It occurred to me that I feel the pain of my clients when I heal or read for them. They will often see my tear up as I help facilitate their own emotional healing in some form. This is what they see. It was beautiful. But what was even more beautiful is the fact that all they see is their own emotions reflected back at them, to see the beauty of their own pain.

And there is was. That ping I had been looking for; that moment of understanding and clarity. No wonder men fall for me from time to time. But what is truly amazing is that in falling me, what they are infact doing is falling for themselves.

Anger released and gone. I am happy that I am meant to be beautiful. This is part of who I am. Not in an arrogant way, but in a way we should all be able to see our own beauty. I embrace my Maid, my Modernity, that youthful side of myself and see it reflected strongly in my children. I embrace my Creativity, my motherhood, my soul and the total understanding and acceptance of myself as a woman. I embrace my Crone, my wrinkly soft bits, my story telling, my wisdom. I embrace the Chief’s daughter, my dark, deep eyes, the Enchantress, Lillith, with her power and ability to reflect everything back to those who need to look within the depths of their own eyes. I love her and her beauty, her charm and her playfulness.


In order to heal myself from the hurts I had perceived these men had given me, in order to not take responsibility for their actions, by feeling guilt and shame, I was not meant to reject them. In rejecting the fact that I induced a feeling in them, I was in fact reducing my own power, dis-empowering myself. By accepting myself and my feminine charms, I have tapped into the power which means that I can reflect back at others those aspects of themselves that I need to, in a way that I need to. Those that view my femininity as love and nurture and care and purity, that is what they will receive back from me. Those that twist it, they shall receive back in such a way. A part of myself, thankfully, I don’t have to use often, but a part of myself I now have the power to use correctly and without feeling guilt or shame or anger.

my eyes

I would love to hear if this resonates with you, or if you have had similar or on your own similar journey, whether it is true acceptance of your femininity or another aspect of your personality.

Love as always



From the mouth of babes . . .

My now four year old has always loved his crystals. Picking them up at fairs, little gifts and very expensive choices at Glastonbury . . .

I decided that over the last few weeks that I should make an active effort to teach him how to use them properly. Although I work from home, I don’t shove my work down my children’s throats. They may get a bit of healing, we may say prayers of a sort before bed and they meet a huge variety of people.

I tell my children I help people. Which I do. I may understand and interpret the gifted things they say a little differently, but I make no more of a fuss of that than the beautiful art they draw or the lovely song they have just sung.

So even I was pleased when I started to work with him. I ask if he wants to do a crystal grid before he went to bed. Sometimes a yes, sometimes a no. He chooses his crystals, lays them out and I ask what they’re for. Blue and white ones to help him read his book (intelligence and communication). When his sister had an upset tummy he asked for red crystals. For him, for here he said pointing correctly at the root of his spine, for his poo. Makes sense. Picking up an orange crystal up and pointing to his back; right on the spine and behind his belly button. Your right mate, for your sacral. And he clearly knows the chakras lie directly on the spine, not on the front. The only help I seem to have given him is to use clear crystals to fill in the gaps (he even wanted to work with 8 for healing, very clever!)

What prompted me to write this was when I had a bath today. My back had been playing up and the hot salt bath I’d thought would help, was relaxing but not really doing what I had planned. My four year old walks in for a wee (typical relaxing bath for a mum then!) And I ask him if he would choose a crystal for me to help my back. He looked at me and said he’d come to build (interpret that as you wish!) But he still went his room and I could hear him rummaging through his crystal box. He came back in with a green fluorite and asked me where my heart was. I showed him and he looked at his own chest and compared, looking concerned as to how he was to work around the extra lumps I had. He then stopped and said ‘you could put it in your bath’. He ummmed for a few seconds and decided to put it on my heart anyway. He trotted off with a grin and my thanks. Correct colour for my heart, but not for the base of my spine.

I placed my hand above it, asked the crystal to heal in the way my son had intended and charged with Reiki. Spine twisted down from the heart for a few seconds and hey presto! Pain much, much releived. So this is emotionally related! It gave me a whole other angle on the source of that pain.

Anyone who knows my son, will know how clever he is. But it isn’t obvious always. He speaks with several speech impediments, can be quiet, and is very happy to play by himself.

How foolish was I to think I needed to teach him anything! It’s clearly there, on a whole other level that I didn’t anticipate. I’m hoping I may have enabled him to connect into the knowledge properly, so it isn’t lost over time, which often happens with children.

This made me think. We sometimes think we’re so clever. We think we know so much. And we’re on the way to knowing even more.

But we don’t. We’ve forgotten more information in becoming clever, thoughtful, knowledge seeking grown ups then we’ll ever be able to regain.

That’s not to say we’re arrogant or egotistical; we just not aware!

In being told at school, and by adults that we have to learn, we’ve set aside our inherent inner knowledge. We’ve taken in externally and we’re forgetting to seek internally.

So this realisation works two fold.

It’s that age old saying of looking within. We hold all the answers within. A bit like the Trolls movie, all we need to make us truly happy, is within us already. We just need to connect in and awaken it.

When I channel information, especially regarding healing, a version of my Higher Self comes through. That’s cool. This is my stuff I’m getting.

But when I really hit the spot is when I seek the information from within. When I act instinctively and intuitively. But I can only do that when I’m practically working with people. So a reminder that in this life anyway, I’m not supposed to be sat in meditation all day long. That if we really want to help the planet in whatever way we are helping, that we can only help Awaken and Raise the planet, by being out and about and doing.

But secondly, it’s not going to happen with this generation; my generation. The Indigo’s if you really really to put a label on us (and I really hate labels).

No way.

It’s going to be our children.

But in order to do this we must ensure they don’t forget the knowledge. That they aren’t convinced they don’t know enough. That they don’t understand. Ensure their confidence in themselves isn’t lost.

This has been somewhat planned; we know the reason for Dyslexia, autism and many, many other labels we place on ourselves, are partly there to break down our relationship with the school system as it exists.

But the rest is up to us! Up to the parents and guardians of the special generation; of the Golden Ones.

The upside is, we don’t need to know what they’re here for; we just need to ensure they don’t forget. I don’t need to understand physics, maths or algebra at any other level than I already do. I just need to allow my children the freedom to facilitate themselves. Sometimes that may mean standing up and fighting for their right to be the bright, sparkly individuals they are.

We need to be careful not to push them down spiritual routes that serve our own Egos or are the ones which live out the parts of ours we lost. But apart from that, it’s actually quite easy.

So what are we worrying about again?

Love as always

Rachael xx

PS my son has just been touching my blue topaz earrings. ‘They’re crystals baby, what colour are they?’ ‘hmmmm, teal’. I had to Google it to find out he was right . . .

Funny things – cars, karma and forgiveness

Funny how things come out.

I’m lucky when it comes to my car; car park tickets, spaces, just missing accidents, avoiding traffic jams etc etc. That’s why I’m convinced that there is a God of Parking (my Aunty is convinced it’s Jesus, but I think he’s got better things to do  . . . 😉  ) And I must be really good friends with this fella. Maybe something to do with the fact that I’m pretty sure I’m living a concurrent life as a rally car driver. But when it comes to my car, I am usually lucky. And I am soooo grateful for it.

So yesterday, I was a half hour over my ticket. But still not reprimand from the Master of the Car Park – still no fine! So I asked today why? Why me? Why not everyone?

“Because you don’t value the car parking charges. You don’t believe it is a fair exchange of energy. You are the Universe (God/Source) and the Universe is you. If you don’t value it, the Universe doesn’t value it. Therefore, it needs to be karmically re-balanced. Plus you are very good at giving the remainder of your tickets to others, being open energetically on the roads (basically not getting annoyed at being cut up, letting others out). So it’s all balanced”

So point one; be kind on the roads. We all make mistakes, get distracted by the kids, the dog, the other half and the shiny thing at the the side of the road. Apart from feeling a hell of a lot less stressed, it will come back to you. The God of Car related issues will thank you for it!

Second point is a slightly larger point. I don’t value the car parking charges. Me. Not we or us or God or the Universe. Me.

£1.80 for an hour is extortionate to let my kids run around in the open air.

Which led me to thinking about Karma. I have known for a while that God does not judge us like some bearded, finger pointing Magistrate. We do.

The fact that we are all One, in God, One with the Universe does in effect mean that also the Universe is judging us. So the traditional view of being judged for your bad deeds by others, does have a firm basis.

But we are all on different parts of the same journey. So we will all be choosing to have different experiences. Not lessons. Experiences.

When we go through our experiences it is in order to gain something, some knowledge, that we could not have learnt as Spirit. Otherwise there would be no point in this journey. So many of these things will be the things that we could not have experienced as energy. They must be physical experiences.
I am pretty sure that car parking tickets do not bother you when you’re energy; well not that much anyway 😉  . There is no value in me having an experience about responsibility when it comes to car park tickets or the flow of energy exchange when rattling around in my car on the road; that is not the part of the journey I am on.

Sorry – some of you maybe on that part of your journey! You may have to have loads of bad experiences on the road in order for you to understand that you are an energy being in a physical body, that you pay your energy forward and until you relax on the road and let go of your Ego when out and about, it’s going to keep happening.

People learning basic lessons about love and energy are still living in their Root Chakra and their Sacral Chakra; trying to understand what it is to be a human.

Once you understand what it is to be a human, you can start to understand what it is to be a Spirit in a physical state. These are people who are living from the Solar Plexus up. The more Spiritual Chakras.

The only person’s judgement you have to fear is your own. When we pass we will go through a stage at looking back and seeing if you’ve achieved what you set out to in this life. If your standards are really high, you may need to think about how that’s going to impact you on the next part of your journey. . It maybe that you choose to have some experiences as a spirit where you can help those you have left on the Earth plane. This maybe coming from a place of love or guilt.

We may then choose to take our experience as a Spirit further; going out and helping other beings we didn’t know on the Earth plane. We may choose to understand ourselves further as energy beings by floating around on some other dimension. We may choose to come back. Then you have to go through the process of deciding what experiences you want to have, need to have, who you want to have them with (good and bad!) etc etc.

So when you think about what you’re going through in life; remember. You chose to have these experiences. And if you chose to have these experiences, what was it you were trying to achieve. If a pattern in any part of your life repeats 3 times; physical, spiritual, or emotional, then this is the next area you need to focus on.

Take some time out, a couple of hours to sit down and think. Try to look at the situation as you would for a friend and give the advice to yourself that you would to them.

How many of us find that we are constantly helping other people, but find our own lives are messy? Hmmmm . . . what are you trying to experience? Self Love Maybe? You are worth a couple of hours that you would happily give to someone else to sort out their shizzle. We are all One; in serving yourself you will be serving others. How can you possibly hope to help others to your full potential if you won’t help yourself? It is illogical Captain, to do otherwise.

Remember to forgive those who do you ill will; it is likely you agreed with them before you came, that you both needed to experience something. In holding on to the hurt,we all know we are emotionally damaging ourselves; who takes a red hot poker and puts it in our back pocket for later? At some point it’s going to burn through your jeans and poke you in the butt!

But, if you can’t forgive them, you can’t actually forgive yourself. This is the most damaging thing.

What many of us do is to put that experience to one side and just remember that it hurt. Please pick it back up when you are ready and look at it with the wonderful perspective of time. What positive experience can you take from that part of your journey? What level of higher learning did that period in your life give you?

In forgiving them you are in fact allowing yourself to understand your experience fully. In not being able to forgive you are blocking yourself and your spiritual journey, as you are refusing to accept a part of your path, and therefore yourself.

When you look at the teachings of many of the great religious icons, forgiveness is key. And this is the real reason why. Don’t forgive just because you are told to; understand why it is an essential part of your spiritual pathway. In not forgiving you are judging on some level. In judging others we judge ourselves. Free yourself; forgive. 

So from car parks to karma to forgiveness. Who’d ‘a’ thunk it ey?

Love as always


Spirit Dreaming; my experience and what it means for your experiences.

Just wanted to share a personal experience about how we work in our dreams.
Last night I dreamt I was at my parent’s house and the family was sat around talking with my Nan sat on the sofa. I very quickly said, ‘Nan, I’m dreaming so does that mean you have come to see me?’ She had, she’d come to see us all. (it was apt it was the old sofa and wall colour, being the last time she probably was aware of being there).
And as we were talking all of a sudden I became aware that sat where my Nan was, was now my Great Nan. So I sat on the arm of the sofa next to her. Looking around the room it was getting very crowded. A lady I didn’t know was sat to my left and a man on the armchair opposite me.
The lady said that the person coming into the room was my great, great grandmother. She certainly needed announcing as she didn’t look energetically like my Great Nan! She had evolved as a Spirit past her last physical incarnation. ‘Oh’, I said ‘she’s up on the Angelic Realms now’. ‘How do you know’ said the man opposite me?’ I laughed ‘She’s 8 foot tall, and is all white!’. ‘Oooh’ he said as we watched her walk to one of our family members and lay her hands on to heal them. ‘Why are you here?’ I asked the man ‘I need to learn about emotion within family’ he said ‘I never had it myself’. I placed me hand on his shoulder and we smiled at eachother. I walked towards my angel of a Great, Great Nan. I followed her through the room and she walked out the back to another room. It was a hall, a fair maybe, and she was showing me how to place crystals on people for healing.
I wanted to share this for many reasons; one it was amazing and so, so clear. How could I not want to share?
I also wanted to explain about how we all do ‘dream work’. Many of our dreams are messages from our subconscious, from our higher selves, which we need to interpret. So please, please listen to them.
This was slightly different, this was ‘lucid dreaming’. Something I have been always able to do, is to change and interact in my dreams. I was aware that I was dreaming. We are all capable of this.
Our dreams are our gateway to our subconscious; when we are asleep our conscious mind, that controlling, anxious, angry and sad part of ourselves, is totally in the back ground. It totally relinquishes control, to allow us to access that true part of ourselves; our subconscious, our Higher Self. And with that the Spirit world.
So this dream was in it’s essence a healing dream for my family. Emotionally healing as here was my Nan, and my Great Nan in places sat around and chatting. Giving comfort, advise and having a laugh. Letting us know that they are still around. How many of us dream about a family member, and sometimes can’t quite remember what happened?
To a certain extent it doesn’t matter if when we wake, and our dastardly conscious mind takes over and blocks that information. The info has gone in where it needs to. Into the subconscious.
As a hypnotherapist, I know that this is where the information actually needs to go in for it to have an effect. When Dad came to you, or Uncle Jim, you maybe disappointed that you couldn’t remember it all. But they gave you an amazing gift. They were giving you tools, remapping the way your brain works, to help you cope with the stress of this life. Try to notice when these dreams come; at stressful times normally. And how comforted and happy do you feel when you wake up? How much easier is the situation with money, or the kids, or the hubby to deal with now?
So what about the random fella in the dream? He told my why he was there. Was he passed? Was he alive? I don’t know. And I don’t need to. This soul has lessons to learn and my family were helping him do this. We carry on having our soul healed after we pass. Equally, we may need to learn these lessons while we are alive. So how many of us have really vivid dreams, in places we don’t know, and spent the whole time interacting with people we don’t know? A lot of us. Those random ones, where it doesn’t matter how much you interpret it, it was still totally random. In that time you were either helping someone else, or they were helping you. For lessons you needed to learn in this life. Ever wake up, restless sleep, turning over the whole night, know you dreamt loads, but can’t remember a thing? Yeah, this was one of those nights where you were doing dream work.
Now, me being me, my Great, Great Nan showed me a little bit of the future, and gave me some knowledge at the same time. Would it be nice to think that she works with me and the crystals? Course it would. I’ve been doing this a little while so they can push my dreams where they need to and I’m very happy to come along for the ride.
And she didn’t need to come back as the last version I would know her as. One, I didn’t know her and I’ve only seen the one photo that exists. She had already moved past her attachment to her physical body, and I feel a major factor in this is that there is noone left alive who knew her. Plus she knew she wouldn’t freak me out by appearing as an 8 ft Angel was probably another factor! And how lovely to think that she goes around, not just healing my family, but healing people generally!
So next time you have a dream, and you’re disappointed you didn’t remember all of Mum’s chat; don’t be.
And next time you doubt that it was them sat with you; have faith in yourself and in them. We are all One.
Love as always